Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
