Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
