I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
