She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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