i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
