i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
