i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
