Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
