Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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