omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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