Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
its not stalking. its research.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
