The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
