After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
well, you know. whores of a feather.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
