I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
