i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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