Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
