that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
