Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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