I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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