dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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