thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
