what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
