hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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