I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
