none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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