I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
