he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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