you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
