Porn is love you can see.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
