she was so not down for the gang bang
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
