Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
