We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize