i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
