STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
