so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm having to shit out rocks
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
