when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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