Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
