She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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