Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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