I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
