I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Houston, we have a blender
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
