In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
