we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
