I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my being single is dangerous.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
