So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
