btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
