my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
