That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
