So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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