Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
