She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No...this little piggys going to the bar
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
