he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
