I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
