$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
