I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
