i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
