I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
