That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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