i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
