I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
