i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
