I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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