You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
