I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize