did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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