I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
