oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
