Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
