I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I look better un-naked...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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