It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
we're so committed to being not committed
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
