Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
